Why can't we be friends?

Submission from Natasha.

Dear Winnie Cooper,

When I was growing up I was only allowed to watch 30 minutes of television a day. We never chose Wonder Years. There was this awesome show on for a while called Mulligrubs about these big aliens that kind of looked like Grimace only green, and we often watched that. So you are like a total mystery to me, or possibly an enigma. I like your hair though. It's really long.

Also, I'm not gay or anything, so maybe we could just be friends? (You touch your friends in the pants too, right? Good).

So did you find Kevin Arnold as annoying as I did? Now that we're friends we should go find him and beat him up together. Wouldn't it be hilarious if he narrated it too?!... like, "Winnie and some killer-hot chick I've never met before are running at me with breeze blocks. Ow." Ha ha.

Anyway if you don't want to be friends or whatever then that's cool, maybe you could just shave your head and send me the hair? I could make it into a kick-arse wig and wear it around and stuff. That would be so awesome.

Love,
Natasha